According to the STTW (Somalia-To-The-World) I shall save his real identity by calling him pendejo.

“Pendejo, they’ve stolen my boots man!” I’ve said. I needed someone to sympathies with the loss; someone to understand the magnitude of what I am faced with.

- Yes I see that. Raed do you know about Somalia?

- The country? Yeah but what does that have to do with anything?

- Do you know how many people are dying there out of hunger?

- I..

I point to where the boots where last seen, I become speechless like a tennis fan, as I look at him again. Does he not understand? His words are no longer understandable, as they sound like lyrics of a song played at distance.

- What are you saying pendejo?

- Look, I understand how difficult this is for you, but in compare to Somalis who are dying out of hunger this is hardly..

- Do they eat boots? I cut him off.

- That’s not what I am getting at.

- Well, what are you getting at? How does this make me happy? $hit man! Am depressed even more, Now my boots are stolen and Somalis are dying out of hunger. Listen, if we find them boots I promise we would talk some more about this.

To Be Continued…

=========================
pendejo: fool in Spanish

Episode one: Birth Of Ambassadors.

Please don’t go: huh? Those are everyday Joes that you have walked beside, you’ve eaten with, and you have shared memories too. They are self-appointed diplomats of truest dedication, highest caliber, and greatest character. Walking among us, they would jeopardize their lives in times of crisis by exposing their true identity. I was fortunate beyond statistical probabilities, for I have had the pleasure of coexisting with not only one, but TWO of them at a time. It all started when I could no longer find my * underground England boots.

Perplexed, I started looking, but with no success at all. The only remaining explanation, combing both the power of Physics and the basic understanding of human’s nature, has led me to the conclusion that my lovely boots were stolen. Down, I have reached the depths of my desolations for these boots meant so much. Call me gay, or in touch with my feminine side, but the very fact that it was the last pair out there (am so taking the words of the people working at the shop for it) was magical. When I wore them I felt like superman; guys wanted to be me, and ladies wanted to be with me. The earth would tremble beneath, the stars would glitter above, and my soul would shine from within.

Now, I was faced with a trauma! Superman’s custom was stolen by one of his own kind! A fellow Muslim has committed this unforgiving sin. WHY? I have asked. When my lifelong friend looked around, pulled me to the side whispering:”we need to talk” and boy oh boy, we sure did!

To Be Continued.

So what happens when this man unites with this being?

This?

No you silly thing! You start having Mickey Mouse agents all over the globe who think that you $hit money to buy overpriced items for fudging fun such as the ipod family and it’s never ending accessories. The saga begins with a friend of mine giving my ipod the evil eye going 60 GB and pictures too? Lah lah lah ?!

Later on, I try and tune in to my jams in the middle of nowhere:

ipod goes:

And I am like A7aa!

So I start looking for the agent and I call Agent B who says yes sir we are the agents ,but currently we have no tech center, and I am like that’s just as stupid as new parents telling me that yes we do have a baby but the neighbors wash his a$$ every time he $hits all over the place. He never gets the analogy and he thinks I am someone who wants to do MJ a fav.

I call agent A and they go of course sir, our ipod technision is going to have a look at it, and I wonder suddenly there is an ipod technition out there? What about an ipod engineer? Fancy init?
-What do you do for living? Oh I am an engineer.

- Nice

- Mechanical?

- Oh No, I am an ipod engineer.

Anyways, I get there and I had to ,being me, to forget something which in this case was the power cable.Now I have to be honest, I did remember prior to me leaving the house, I just thought big deal : hey! it’s the agent you are going to man!

The first thing the agent asks for: where is power cable sir?

For fudge sake you are the solo tech center and you do not have a power cable?

We do not sir.

Right!

Well lets hook it to the puter then shall we?

Ok sir.

Wait a minute why am I telling you how to go about your job?!

Two brains better than one sir.

Oh in this case umm then umm.. Okay !

I see, the crying IPod-ai ß keralite accent

Ha?

Tsk tsk tsk.

Do you have the bill sir?

No, but you can trace it through apple’s serial number.

Yes of course.

Sir you need to take it to the hardware center

He Gives out directions which involve two stores that you would not be able to locate unless you lived in this part of town and at someone point in my childhood I actually did *lucky me.
I arrived there when an inner whisper goes: Hey something is wrong! There is nothing here that says apple, no hardware no software.. this is a junk yard! There were some old T.V’s, some Old printers , some old everything but Apple stuff.

Hi.

Plenty of happy phillpinos and Indians throwing papers at each other.

Oh how قan we help you?

Umm is this apple store?

Yes op قourse

I leave it with them and as a proof; I show them the unused headphones the Indian man goes : tsk tsk…. berry berry Unlucky!

You don’t say!

Ve vell call you first ting tomorrow.

Yeah well I will be waiting. Next morning:

-Hello blah blah blah

Oh the Teقnition is out right now.

And what do you expect his tech-ness to show his a$$?

We will gib you a قall ,sir.

(Sighs) ok..

Days pass nearly a weak

I call saying the following : ” In the name of Mickey Mouse most laughable and absurd. The god your company believes in, since it’s a mickey mouse company, when will I ever receive my IFREAKINGPOD?

The teقntion is having many ipods sir!

What are you kidding me?

No sir.

My uncle cracks up saying: ” if I was him man I would hang up saying (customer service isn’t necessarily Disney land Sir, sometimes it’s painful A$$hole)

Am like aren’t you special, unc?

A week after I call going ” Hi my name is Raed and I have a bad headache .NOW, you’re going to ask me why I do?”

Sorry sir?

Right.. get me your boss.

Hello hi, my name is Raed I have a bad headache care to ask why?

Umm why?

Because I have paid 2500 Dirhams for something I am not getting do you understand how frustrating it is?

Yes, our guy looked at it, and he says it needs to be reclaimed.

How long is that gonna take hot shot ?

5 weeks!

Remember when you cried so hard as a kid, and you went out of breath? That is how I’ve felt and sounded for the rest of the day.

What in the world is this? Can someone explain to me how is it possible that Ronaldinho looks exactly like Rabab? And how is it so that both names start with “R”, plus both never showed up at the same time same place?

Someone needs to clarify because in all sincerity theses pictures are mind bothering, confusing, and bewildering. The amount of confusion is beyond quantum physics, calculus and Genetic cloning especially if you play this LINK when the other team starts scoring. I listen to it or sing it and I tell you my brain goes: hey stop, quit it!